We haven’t got a dog.
But some of our best friends have.
The dog is called Maisie. Her owners live around the corner and we’ve known them since our kids all went to the same local playgroup as toddlers. We asked these friends if they’d be part of our Support Network when we started to foster.
They agreed even though none of us really knew what it would entail.
Our Assessing Social Worker went to visit them and we were all delighted to discover that they did not have a criminal record.
What do they do to support us?
Well, they do normal stuff that everyone does but they sometimes take a kid along.
They walk their dog, they go to the cinema, they feed the ducks, they get a Take Away, they dig in their allotment and sometimes they wash their car. And sometimes, they have a foster kid helping.
It’s not actually massively complicated, but they’re very very good at it.
Maisie the dog, and her owners, have provided countless hours of therapy for kids who believe, with good reason, that everyone and everything is dangerous.
Hanging about, doing normal stuff, is healing.
Our nearest blood relatives live 3 hours away, and that’s only if the M6 is clear. However, our families have always been welcoming and accepting of the children we’ve cared for. They’ve always been willing to learn, just as we have.
Our Boomer generation parents, born and raised in more traditional times, quickly grasped that traditional parenting styles only led to an escalation in anger and carnage.
‘Clear your plate’, ‘sit up straight’s, ‘do as you’re told’ and other standard mantra from the 1970s have all been discarded.
We visit at Christmas and Easter and sometimes go on holiday with them.
We generally take our foster kids along.
We’ve usually mentioned this in advance and it says something about the wonderful flexibility of our parents and siblings that they’ve gone along with the whole thing.
I suspect, if pressured, they would say they’ve been slightly nervous about meeting a new foster kid.
I think many adults want kids to be happy, and if they have any streak of altruism, they want a foster kid to be happy.
I think many Kids in Care know they come with a reputation, whether it’s deserved or not.
Some adults are scared of them.
Some adults want to help them.
Some adults want the kid to really like them.
Most adults are a combination of all three.
There has been the occasional tension.
Allowing a child to eat Spaghetti Hoops for Christmas Dinner and not using traditional parenting techniques when he tippexes your mother’s laptop needs some explaining.
Watching him smash a birthday present to sh*t with a hammer is moderately embarrassing, even though you know his hatred is aimed at himself rather than ‘foster granddad’ or the phone itself.
Explain as much as you can.
Take your family and friends on the journey, telling them what you think they need to know.
The ‘hellos’ can be unnerving but don’t forget that everyone mourns when a child says ‘goodbye’.
It takes a village to raise a child. Our family and friends have become that village.
Fostering and adopting with phil 