Family is the privilege you should absolutely be able to take for granted.
Clever sociologists have identified 7 childhood experiences that will set a young person up for life. None of them involve an expensive trip to Disneyland. They all involve consistent relationships, that you’ll probably find in that thing we call ‘family’. As far as I am aware, every society across the planet and throughout time, has based itself on some sort of family unit. It’s only in recent years that we’ve reduced this to something as fragile as Mum, Dad and a couple of kids.
Here are some reflections and an extra bonus PCE (Positive Childhood Experience) for your edification.
1. A place to talk with family about feelings
Whether it’s around the kitchen table or on a car journey, every child needs a chance to listen and to be listened to. Include as many generations as you can.
2. Experiencing family as supportive, particularly in difficult times
The wider family tends to gather together at the best of times and the worst of times, typically weddings, births and funerals. As generations age, scripts are rewritten. Daft younger brothers can mellow and offer sage wisdom, love and support. Sometimes, they even become mature.
3.Participating in enjoyable community traditions.
Christmas, Communions, Barmitzvahs and school discos, all help bring people and communities together. Never underestimate the importance of a celebration and a bit of a knees up.
4. Feeling that you belong in school
School is probably our first experience of community outside our families. The journey, the rhythm of the day, playtime and the ‘school gate‘ at home time all play a role in forming our experience. Gaining independence as we move from Primary to Secondary is another important rite of passage.
5. Feeling that you are supported by friends.
I’ve found that being friendly is the easiest way to make friends and stay friends. I might be oversimplifying it. Being alone and being lonely are not the same.
6. Having at least two non-parent adults who genuinely care for you
Our society has often reduced our families to parents+ kids. I don’t think it was ever meant to be this way. It takes a village to raise a child. In our modern world, this could be a street, a church, a synagogue, a mosque or a sports team.
7.Feeling safe and protected by an adult at home
If you’ve been reading carefully, you’ll know that there are officially 7 Childhood Positive Experiences. However, our Little Man has added an 8th.
Like pretty much every other child who is ‘care experienced’, he has nearly the whole set of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs).
For the first few years of his life, he probably never experienced any of the 7 positives above. His 8th Positive Childhood Experience is as poignant as it is simple.
8. Home is safe place to be who you want
Home is where you can explore who you are. You can be moody, have a meltdown, wear what you want, put posters on your wall, leave the toilet door open, help yourself to the fridge and feel utterly utterly at home, because you are.
Fostering and adopting with phil 